Scott at Imperator Fish is off to an early start with potentially the funniest blog post for 2013, a few highlights,
Put my blog behind a paywall. A boring old man who writes for the NBR once told me I was nuts to give my content out for free. I was about to tell him I would be nuts to pay to read anything he wrote online, but mercifully good manners prevailed. He's right though. This is the year I monetise my blog. Ads, pop-up boxes, links to online gambling sites, and of course a paywall. I'm gonna be rich!
Pontificate more. If one should just happen to be blessed with the wisdom of Solomon then one would really have a responsibility to share that wisdom with the world. So I intend to spend more time passing judgment on people I don't know based on scant evidence, and claiming I have all the answers to critical and pressing problems. What could be more enjoyable than reading a series of blogposts where someone who knows nothing about a particular topic beyond what he read on Stuff argues vehemently that a group of people with different views on the topic are monstrously wrong?
Become a god. I wanted to include this resolution, although I haven't really thought through how it is going to work. I figure if I can knock the first five resolutions off before the end of June, then that will give me six whole months to come into my godhood. I know any crackpot can set up a religion and call himself or herself a god, but I want actual god powers, and if I can't smite people or walk on water then it won't be worth the effort. Still, if my third resolution comes off and I can get people to pay for my content then it will be a f**cking miracle, so I suppose I'll be there already.
Go have a read.
Showing posts with label Imperator Fish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Imperator Fish. Show all posts
Monday, January 7, 2013
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Obama wins and the NZ blogosphere reacts
Scott Yorke like me is left of centre and is not above sinking the verbal boot something that always gets my admiration if it done well. Scott is an artist. His crafted congratulations strike at the heart of our ineptness.
Scott at Imperatorfish
How About It, Mr Obama?
Dear Mr Obama,
If you're doing nothing much at the end of your four year presidential term, would you mind popping over here and sorting us out?
I'm no immigration law expert, but I'm sure we could organise some kind of citizenship fast-track, allowing you to stand in the 2017 election. We'll change the law if we need to. You'd have my vote, not because you have achieved wonderful things policy-wise (you haven't: your lack of action on important issues like climate change is a disappointment), but because you appear to be able to inspire people in a way few other politicians can.
You are a gifted orator, unlike anyone in politics here. You appear to have imagination, energy and vision, unlike our current leader, who appears content to simply manage our faltering economy. You won't embarrass us in front of the rest of the world, you won't insult football stars, and you won't try to be one of the boys by making lame jokes that nobody older than fourteen finds funny.
You'll find us a lot easier to govern, too. We have plenty of mediocrities in our parliament, but not too many utter nutjobs, and we're really not big on religion or guns.
You'll probably have to tone the rhetoric down a little, but even your worst speech would be a whole lot better than anything a Key or a Shearer could ever deliver.
So what do you say? Have a think about it. Talk to Michelle and the kids (did I mention we have a world class education system too?) and let me know what you decide. Any time tomorrow is fine.
I know you'll do the right thing!
If you're doing nothing much at the end of your four year presidential term, would you mind popping over here and sorting us out?
I'm no immigration law expert, but I'm sure we could organise some kind of citizenship fast-track, allowing you to stand in the 2017 election. We'll change the law if we need to. You'd have my vote, not because you have achieved wonderful things policy-wise (you haven't: your lack of action on important issues like climate change is a disappointment), but because you appear to be able to inspire people in a way few other politicians can.
You are a gifted orator, unlike anyone in politics here. You appear to have imagination, energy and vision, unlike our current leader, who appears content to simply manage our faltering economy. You won't embarrass us in front of the rest of the world, you won't insult football stars, and you won't try to be one of the boys by making lame jokes that nobody older than fourteen finds funny.
You'll find us a lot easier to govern, too. We have plenty of mediocrities in our parliament, but not too many utter nutjobs, and we're really not big on religion or guns.
You'll probably have to tone the rhetoric down a little, but even your worst speech would be a whole lot better than anything a Key or a Shearer could ever deliver.
So what do you say? Have a think about it. Talk to Michelle and the kids (did I mention we have a world class education system too?) and let me know what you decide. Any time tomorrow is fine.
I know you'll do the right thing!
Barnsley Bill is centre right. It might surprise some but with the exception of blogger Adolf, No Minister is one of New Zealand's better blogs in my opinion. Usually I find myself in agreement with much of the content.
Wish upon a star
It really does not matter that you might really really really want something.
I have looked on with bemusement over the last couple of years at posts here about Obama.
I have cringed with embarrassment at the Black Ass Jackass posts and comments.
Obama won.
He was always going to win.
And with the demographic in the USA getting browner by the day he will not be the last non anglo POTUS in my lifetime.
The USA is a failed state. It was on that course prior to Obama and he has done nothing to arrest its slide.
We could argue until even that complete twat Judge Holden gets tired of baiting authors about why it became a failed state but it will not alter the ultimate conclusion which is the end of the Anglo-Saxon epoch worldwide.
Romney is no less a douche bag than Obama but they are both less evil than the Bush family who in turn were less evil than the Clintons who in turn are less evil than those fucking Kennedy thieves.
So we might actually be moving towards presidents that are better than those that came before them but it is too late.
Adolf, please find something else to be angry about.
( My link, trust me I have no time for Adolf )
Kiwi Politico's Pablo is an American and the blog is center with a small deviation to the left. Pablo is one of the most insightful bloggers in New Zealand.
Interpreting the conservative take on the US elections.
Posted on 15:50, November 6th, 2012 by Pablo
If I read the conservative commentariat correctly with regard to tomorrow’s US elections, the following will happen:
Obama wins: As the fifth rider of the apocalypse, Obama will bring the end of days, armageddon, leading to the imposition of a debt-ridden, welfare-spending LBGT atheistic Islamofascist Zionist-Stalinist-Orwelian state in which children and the elderly are eaten after being vivisected and animals and dirt will have more rights than natural gas. The walls of the shining White house on the hill will crumble. Locusts will plague and fire will belch from the skies in non-industrial areas as the ground turns to dust and the rivers run dry. The seas will retreat and the icecaps will melt, but not due to man-made climate change. Female sports will become dominant.
Romney wins: Milk, honey, money and expensive Eau de Cologne will rain down upon the chosen debt producing and debt reducing Christian people and hedge fund managers, sunshine will spring eternal, a million flowers will bloom, all dole-bludging, illegal alien LBGT atheist Islamofascist Zionist-Stalinists will be rendered asunder by lightning strikes from the heavenly Father and world peace and prosperity will obtain in our time. White folk will become cool again. Soccer will be purged from the global landscape because it is un-American and does not involve teams with American Indian names, padding, helmets or blunt instruments and has a penchant for shorts that is second only to League in terms of questionability. White shirts and somber ties will once again be suitable apparel. Shoes will be tied. The help will know their place.
John was a bit of a revelation earlier this week. Right wing but not batshit crazy right wing
Romney Concedes 7pm
Mitt Romney has called Obama and congratulated him and conceded defeat. It has been an extremely close race, but Obama has won by a nose. The popular vote is 50-50%. I am disappointed for Mitt Romney who has been a presidential, honourable and dignified candidate who did not rise to the personalized attacks on him and his family. I believe he would have been a more apt and dignified president with a stronger ability to build an accord with the Democrats on the economy, than Obama can now achieve with Republicans after a hard ball and at times unpleasant campaign.
Congratulations to Barack Obama on his win. I was wrong, I picked it 5-8pts to Romney.
It will take some weeks to get the final results, but effectively America is as it was with a radically reduced vote for Obama’s vision, but voters have given’ four more years’ to Obama but he is on notice with only 50% of the American vote.
I hope Obama gives a magnanimous and humble speech; I’m sure he will.
Ele takes a philosophical glance at governance, a smart move for a centre right blogger in the circumstances but I suspect that the most sensible blogger in New Zealand would probably have done nothing different if yesterdays result was reversed.
Ele at Homepaddock
If we were angels . . .
Ele takes a philosophical glance at governance, a smart move for a centre right blogger in the circumstances but I suspect that the most sensible blogger in New Zealand would probably have done nothing different if yesterdays result was reversed.
Ele at Homepaddock
If we were angels . . .
Thursday, October 11, 2012
NZ Politics more bat shit crazy
Scott at Imperator Fish produced a satirical piece highlighting the failure of the NZ Labour opposition and their inept media strategy.
Make no mistake this is a total fuck up by the government and it is a very serious issue as Pablo explains but Labour it would appear have done fairly much what Scott satirically suggested they do. They have in fact handed the Government a win in what was a no win situation.
Transcript of Labour Leader's Speech to Caucus Members
Thanks, team, for joining me here. It's been a good spell for us. John Key's in serious trouble, and we haven't had an own goal from one of our MPs for at least 24 hours. Wait... Trevor, are you tweeting again? Trevor! Put it away!
Anyway, we're still having a devil of a time connecting with the voters. We're struggling to get our faces in front of the public. Part of the problem is that whenever the media want a quote from the opposition they go to Winston or Russel instead of us.....
This means we need a new strategy to get the media's attention. We complain a lot about how the news is being dumbed down in favour of stories about celebrities and football stars, and yet there it is, the answer right in front of us.
Anyway, we're still having a devil of a time connecting with the voters. We're struggling to get our faces in front of the public. Part of the problem is that whenever the media want a quote from the opposition they go to Winston or Russel instead of us.....
Let's play their game. Let's give the media what they want.
The other thing we need to work on is how we look. It's an unfortunate fact that most politicians are just pig-ugly. The only reason any of us ended up here was because we joined the high school debating team and discovered we liked the sounds of our own voices, and the only reason we joined that team was because we were regarded as lepers by our peers. Don't take this personally, because it's not just you guys here. Whenever I look around in Parliament I find myself thinking "f**k me, there are some seriously ugly people in this room".
And I acknowledge that the problem starts at the top. Looking back over the years I'm struck by how astonishingly ugly some of our prime ministers have been....
And I acknowledge that the problem starts at the top. Looking back over the years I'm struck by how astonishingly ugly some of our prime ministers have been....
It is an excellent read, ironically life sometime imitates art sorry blogging
We have this from Cameron Slater aka the Whale.
INQUIRY INTO GCSB NEEDED
After 3News tonight and all the media repeating Labour’s claims that a secret recording was made of John Key at GCSB it is abundantly clear that there needs to be a wide ranging inquiry into activities at GCSB.
Firstly because the Leader of the Opposition is now alleging there is evidence that an agency has gone rogue, where their spies are breaking the law and now playing politics in a bid to protect themselves from accountability. Not only that it appears also that Labour has politicised and compromised the GCSB by playing politics with the spy agency.
Labour claims it has sources inside the Government Communications Security Bureau (GCSB) spy agency who are adamant Mr Key gave an address to staff in which he spoke of Dotcom.
That one sentence should ring alarm bells. No political party should ever have “sources inside GCSB”, ever. That is very concerning and also very curious because I understand, from my own sources, that the trail from GCSB to Labour is very, very short.
My sources tell me that the information that Labour is running has come directly from the agent who had a lead role of the GCSB operation who is currently under the gun for his botched handling of it. I will call him Agent “G”.
Former Agent “R” is the root of a member of Shearer’s office. He is best mates with Agent “G”
So we have a rogue agent, attempting to cover his butt, feeding information to a senior person in the Labour party via their partner and a leader of a political party who has decided to compromise both the Agent and his staffer so he can play politics with one of our national security bureaus.
GCSB appears hopelessly compromised, out of control and rogue or at the very least have a couple of of mischievous politically motivated and connected troublemakers.
If Shearer’s claims are true it also looks like the GCSB has broken the law, again. If it is illegal for the GCSB to record NZ residents then surely it is also illegal to record the New Zealand Prime Minister who also happens to be a NZ citizen. Is David Shearer complicit in assisting the GCSB to break the law?
For the Record GCSB says Shearer is wrong as Felix Marwick reports:
This whole debacle needs an urgent inquiry to find out who, in GCSB has decided to play politics to either leak a recording illegally obtained, or to make it up for political gain.
If they are prepared to leak or manufacture stories and feed them to a political party then what else are they prepared to leak or do. If Labour can willy-nilly release information or manufactured about the GCSB then what is stopping them releasing information from briefings to suit their political agenda.
Neither the GCSB (until the rogue agent is caught) nor Labour can be trusted at the moment. If you can’t trust your spies then who can you trust. John Key must act to reign in the rogue players.
Either Shearer is making this up, or the GCSB cannot actually be trusted.
UPDATE: Shearer has no evidence, massive facepalm for Davi Shearer and tame journos at TV3. This is a new league of ineptness that is beyond the capabilities of even Trevor Mallard.
UPDATE: GCSB denies a recording even exists. Looks like Shearer has been set up by Robertson loyalist Fran Mold.
Spy boss Ian Fletcher has denied Labour claims that Prime Minister John Key was caught on camera discussing Kim Dotcom in February.Earlier today Labour claimed a tape existed of Key giving speech to staff in cafeteria at the Government Communications Security Bureau’s Wellington headquarters in which he made a quip about Dotcom. Key has said he remembers the speech but not the remark.Fletcher said “exhaustive enquries” at the GCSB have revealed no video tape. Still photographs exist but would not be released because they identify staff at the super-secret agency.An investigation was now underway into the ‘‘leak’’ at the agency, he said.
They won’t need to look far…Agent “G” would be my pick.
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