Rwanda: " Whatever happened to wicked wiles, permissive styles..."

Virunga Mountain blogs

Paul Kagame's Wife to Become Rwanda Next President

The one thing that is killing politics around the world, is the disease of politicians parachuting their wives,children and relatives to the presidency. The concept of power belonging to the people, has now been turned into Power belongs to the family. The blatant disregard of the voice of the people and power hungry criminals imposing themselves on them, has never improved society, but impoverished it further. Yes, it’s understandable when a political system is based on constitutional monarchism, then the people can fully bless that transition of power as being part and parcel of their heritage.

The Virunga Mountain blog is hilarious and I am frequently caught up with the question is this guy for real or is this just a huge piss take. Jeannett Kagame would seem to me to be an unlikely solution to the very real problem Kagame has created for himself by imposing a two term rule. I expected Kagame to use an African adaption of the Putin / Medvedev model.

" Kagame has become delusional, his inability separate his administration from the the nation state that is Rwanda. He assures all that he will not alter the constitution to extend his tenure as Rwanda's President but the reality is that he has created a situation where he will be forced to remain in office. Expect an African version of the Putin / Medvedev  tandemocracy . There is very little available in the way of attractive retirement options available for autocratic dictators after they lose power. Ask Gaddafi."    

However, when a hardcore cold blooded criminal like Paul Kagame, decides to take Banyarwanda for fools by passing the baton of power to his wife, which she already has, then it becomes our birth right to resist that project.
The one thing we can read into this, is the intentional design to turn Rwanda Republic into a Mafioso monarchy-this will shield Criminal Paul Kagame from prosecution for crimes against humanity and state terrorism.

The way dictator Paul Kagame operates/functions, is by living within a small clique of like minded parasites and feeding on patronage. Thus, criminality becomes their ideology and religion, the rest of Banyarwanda are just mere collateral damage that can be disposed anytime, and anywhere.

If that hasn't got you laughing then nothing will. A " Mafioso monarchy " !

During the Rwanda Patriotic Front war,while others were leading a heroic life at the front line, Dictator Paul Kagame was busy fornicating, embezzling funds, eating sausages and drinking yogurt (Ikivuguto). This always took place at Kisoro(south Western Uganda) in the home of General Kare Kayihura, the Uganda Police Supremo. Now the dictator has been fronted and credited by western gullible press as a courageous warrior that saved Tutsi people.As if courageous soldiers are found hiding in banana plantations by junior soldiers, shiting and pissing on themselves, while the rest are dodging bullets and firing back!

" Dictator Paul Kagame was busy fornicating, embezzling funds, eating sausages and drinking yogurt " . Is this code ?

Our highly placed sources within Dictator Paul kagame’s inner circle, has informed us that Dictator Paul Kagame is definitely living ( leaving )  the presidency after 2016. But, he will take on two new roles; the First Man/Husband and supremo of Rwanda Defence Forces. The source then requested us to use our brains and work-out what that might mean??

Kagame has publicly taken a position of " Wait and see " which has made me revise my tandemocracy theory and think he will opt for constitutional change and remove term limits. That said ( I can't find the quote but Clinton said it ) Bill Clinton has hinted that he expects Kagame to stand down. Should Virunga Mountain blog be correct then there is of course a huge irony on the cards for the not to distant future.

When a so called first lady starts attending highly sensitive security meetings, appointing ministers, representing ministers before foreign dignitaries,and also making public statements arrogantly-that she’s beyond a first lady- then you start questioning her role on the Rwanda political landscape??

I dislike the Kagame regime as readers will be well aware of and I have seen various allegations made against Jeannett Kagame. I have yet to see any of them backed up by anything a court in New Zealand would accept as evidence.

However, we didn’t have to scratch our heads- as the writing was already on the wall, because she was already heading a security agency disguised as a charity-IMBUTO for helping orphans with HIV/AIDS. Basically, the charity is a criminal outfit that is used for intelligence gathering and money laundering. Though the charity on paper has an open recruitment policy,but the shortlisted candidates are normally of Burundi,Uganda,Rwanda,Tanzania,Congo Tutsi background, and always beautiful girls. So next-time when donating money to a presumed good cause, just know that you’re funding a security organisation called IMBUTO Foundation.

There is nothing I can find that backs up any of the above. If the writing is on the wall then perhaps a map could be provided giving directions to said wall, which of course brings us back to the piss take theory.

Those female workers of IMBUTO foundation, are then given specific missions around Kigali,Bujumbura,Kampala,Kinshasa,Nairobi,Arusha,Dodoma,Dar essalam,Lusaka,Maputo,etc. mainly to go after expatriates and foreign military attaches by trapping them with their beauty. That is why former and most recent female workers within IMBUTO foundation are either married, dating foreign embassy workers or foreign NGO directors.

Sounds like a cunning plan that even Baldrick would have been proud of.

" While his "cunning plans" do sometimes have a strange, twisted and often perverse logic and cunning to them (one suggestion was that Blackadder repay his debts by making money as a male prostitute at the docks, another is to disguise a "mad, wild, killer bull" as a rooster and enter it in a cockfight), he does possess an entertaining level of stupidity. "

The one thing we want to inform our readers is that, the process of imposing Jeannett Nyiramongi Kagame on Banyarwanda as their next president has been in the works for over two years. That’s why her big head is always peddled by the mafia’s propagandists, Rwanda times and Chimpanzee reports(Uganda run)-soon they’ll be serializing a doctored biography of Jeannett Nyiramongi.Just like you and us, we doubt if they’ll ever inform the public how she runs Child sacrifice rings around the great lakes-she’s a hardcore worshiper of occultism.

This is brutal stuff regardless of what position you take on the Virunga Mountain blog. There is absolutely no evidence to back up the claims which are undoubtedly false, thus I am back at satire with an African twist, but...

The good thing with Banyarwanda, they’ll always talk- and spill all the secrets. What is amusing is that, Dictator Paul Kagame’s witch doctor once asked him to kill Jeannett Nyiramongi as she was a mere squatter in their home and was at no good. But as always, Witch doctors are there to make money and it so happened that it was Jeannett Nyiramongi that had introduced him to the family. Its believed that at one time,the Witch doctor requested her to bring the impossible, three heads of Blondie girls. We’re not sure what really happened and how it ended. But what we know, they’ve been trotting Nigeria and Mali looking for Witch doctors.

Again bullshit but for what purpose ?

As we informed you earlier of how Jeannett Nyiramogi loves attention and publicity-that’s why her big head is always everywhere seeking the attention of the nearest camera. However,the photographers have never made her feel loved as all shots are strictly edited by Criminal Paul Kagame’s cleaners, aka editors.

A bit hard to take this claim seriously when the Virunga Mountain blog has 9 images of Jeannett Kagame all of which have been digitally altered for this post and none of them are decent.

But as the saying goes in Paparazzo world, always look after the bitch before pimps take advantage of her.

Presumably by making her president of Rwanda.

The readers of this blog unanimously voted to see a naked Jeannett Nyiramogi Kagame. However, the poll never asked what to see exactly and for that reason, a new poll has been published.

Don't go there.

In our next issue, we shall expose the Rwanda and Uganda Child sacrifice ring that Rwanda’s Next President Jeannett Nyiramongi Kagame has run over 10 years.

Virunga Mountain blog has published several posts since this and none deal Jeannett Kagame's occult practices. It is however a hilarious blog and if one was to be fair there is no doubt that the current regime in Rwanda lies outrageously. Virunga Mountain blog perhaps a fitting response to the lies of the Rwandan regime.

DR Congo: Charley Kasereka and the Goma Drone.

MONUSCO reports

UN peacekeeping chief in Eastern DR Congo to inaugurate new protection technology, sees progress

Actually I can't be bothered giving you the boring story from the MONUSCO website so I used the the summation on the MONUSCO Facebook page.  

MONUSCO has launched an inaugural flight of its unmanned aircraft today in Goma, North Kivu. The launching ceremony was attended by Mr. Hervé Ladsous, Under-Secretary-General of the United Nations responsible for the operations of peacekeeping ( and Charly Kasereka blogger Goma ) . Mr. Considers Ladsous said the unmanned aircraft are high-tech systems that allow for a better understanding of what is happening on the ground. This will force MONUSCO to do its job better and also to monitor potential movement of civilians. I think it is a very complete service mission and tasks his tool.

                    Charly Kasereka and the UN Drone. ( I am guessing Charly didn't take this photo )

Also I couldn't be bothered showing you pictures of UN stuffed shirts with the Drone when I happened upon a picture of Goma blogger and journalist Charly Kasereka with it.

Uganda: Goat Farming with President Museveni.

New Vision ( Uganda ) reports

My first inclination of this story was via a Facebook friend with the following Status update

" Trending today on social media ug: GOATS! "

It was fairly obvious something was going down in Uganda that I was totally unaware of.  

Steps to start your own goat farm

                                            Paul Sembeguya tending some of his animals. Goats are low maintenance animals



Recently President Yoweri Museveni said lecturers who do not want to go back to work can go and rear goats because there is no money to increase their salaries.

Many people have been worked up and are uttering all sorts of words because of the President’s statement. But have you heard the statement ‘there is a silver lining behind every cloud’?

Dear lecturers and fellow Ugandans, raising goats can be one of the most enjoyable farming experiences.

I am not sure that is the message that the lecturers wanted to hear. 

Goats are easy to rear because they do not have complicated feeding and medication requirement. In addition, goat meat is known to have inelastic demand locally and in the Middle East. Paul Sembeguya of Sembuguya Estates in Sembabule district is one farmer harvesting millions of shillings from goat rearing. 

I assume he isn't a retired university lecturer.

There are many ways of rearing goats. You actually do not have to stop lecturing or resign your other job to rear goats. You can do both.

Well I am sure that will come as a relief to all those university lectures, well at least until one from the Economics Department explains how the laws of supply and demand for a product with " inelastic demand " effect price.

Here are common ways to start your goat farm.

Pick the breed(s) you want. Decide if you want the goats for meat, milk or fiber or a variety of each.

Get a good goat book. Something that will teach you all the basics of goat care such as how to perform a health check, goat diseases, breeds of each variety of goats, recommended space per each animal and probably some handy first aid notes. Most of all, consider this an invaluable reference, even something to look back to in the future.

This sound like very good advice, so much so I have taken the liberty of suggesting a couple of titles.

Buy some supplies. Shop around for food and water troughs; compare grains and be certain to pick out a balanced mineral meal to be fed to the goats as this will most certainly supplement the required minerals that could be missing. Also bear in mind that goats will get hurt every now and then and will need medical attention, make your own ‘goat’ first aid kit; your vet can recommend what to stock the kit with.

Build a fence. Buy fencing supplies for your farm. Be sure to get the services of a person who has built a fence before and bear in mind that goats will climb and rub themselves on even the toughest fences if not prevented. They may also try to squeeze through even the tiniest spaces even when it is obvious they cannot make it through, just make sure you build a separate strong buck pen in which the fences must be very strong, sturdy and very high. Keep in mind that this fence will keep your bucks in rut from your does especially during heat.

Now that I can do. I seem to have spent a life time building fences.

Build a shelter. The goats will need a place to shelter especially when the weather gets tough say during the rainy season and also during the dry spells. A small pole barn will work just fine, make sure the door is facing away from the weather. Goats can withstand the cold to a certain degree but they may need to be protected from the rain, having a draft free building will help them keep warm enormously. Make sure your buildings are compatible for renovation and provide the room for expansion, should your herd expand in future. Even if you don't think you will need the room, all too often you do and don't have the resources to do so with your current building if it was not factored in at the start.

I don't do barns.

Buy a couple of does and a buck. Get another goat owner's help here. Make sure to buy good quality goats, and not something someone is just trying to get off their hands. Your goat book will be helpful here, tell the seller what you’re looking for, honest breeders and owners will let you know if the goat is not for you, be discerning.

Goat farming is starting to look like a complex undertaking. I can see why President Museveni is recommending it as an activity for the learned members of society. 

Breed your does! Watch your does carefully. When they go into heat, put them in with the buck for a couple of days, or until you think they have mated. The longer they have been with the buck, the larger range the expected due date will be, naturally this is important to some and not to others. A normal gestation period is 145 to 155 days, 150 being the average. Remember, bred and milking does need some extra care and may require you hire another hand.

Breeding followed by 5 months of worry, this idea is starting to look a little disconcerting.  
Choose where to sell your product. Whether for meat, fiber, milk and cheese and even kids, it is important to have a market ready, just make sure you have somebody to buy.

This advice I think might be critical. "...just make sure you have somebody to buy." 

Sell your product. Research what others are selling for in your area. You don't want to charge so much that you won't get business or so low that you lose money.

Build up your farm. As you get more customers, your demand will grow. Enlarge your pastures and buildings to accommodate the new additions and breed more goats.

Well if you have lasted this long you now know as much as I do about farming goats and while that might not be a lot it is quite possibly more than President Museveni although I might be wrong on that. 

You are now good to go. But if you need finer details please, do not miss you copy of the Harvest Money pullout published every Tuesday by the New Vision.

Unfortunately New Vision don't seem to put Harvest Money on line, but hell you can probably wing it.  Interesting animals goats. 

" If wisdom is measured by the size of the beard then the goat is a philosopher king."

Now that's something to think about.

Hat Tip:  Ann Natukunda  

New Zealand: The Spiders from ?

The Civillian reports

There are spiders everywhere,’ reports stoned Duncan Garner

Duncan Garner smokes synthetic cannabis brand Juicy Puff, which he says has “absolutely nothing” to do with his fear of a global spider caliphate

Television host and RadioLIVE presenter Duncan Garner has filed an in-depth report for 3 News about spiders, which he says are “practically everywhere right now.”

Garner, who has been smoking synthetic cannabis brand Juicy Puff to demonstrate the dangers of the product, burst into the TV3 newsroom yesterday with a wastepaper bin stuck to one foot.

“Shit!” declared Garner. “Ohhh fuck. Shit! I’ve got a fuckin’, a fuckin’ huge story. Stop the press.”

After being told there was no press, Garner showed the newsroom an eight minute video report he’d made that afternoon, which featured him lying in bed squirming and running his hands over his naked body. It then cut to several short clips of him screaming at his children.

“We need to air this immediately,” Garner told them.

The report was not run on 3 News last night, and Garner has this morning lodged what he calls a “formal complaint” against the network for not airing his story. He charges that TV3 owners MediaWorks are engaged in a sinister conspiracy to protect the spiders.

MediaWorks news director Mark Jennings said he wasn’t concerned about the complaint.
“We’ve seen Duncan’s complaint,” he said. “As far as we can tell, it’s just a crayon drawing of a penis. We’ve been informed by our lawyers that it has no substance.”

After the experience, Garner said he’d concluded that synthetic cannabis was “pretty fun,” and that he would “definitely do it again,” perhaps even as early as two hours ago.

Hilarious.

Mali: Let them eat camel

French President Francois Hollande’s Camel Eaten in Mali

French President François Hollande can’t buy a break. His nation’s economy has stalled, unemployment is rising, his government has been rocked by scandal and his approval ratings have slipped below 30%. Now, somebody has gone and eaten Hollande’s pet camel.

This has to be the best international relations story of the week.

Hollande was given the animal in February as a gift from the leaders of Mali, after French troopes repelled an al Qaeda-linked jihadist insurgency in the former French colony’s north. But after the unruly young camel greeted its new master with unrelenting, ear-piercing howls during Hollande’s visit to Timbuktu, it was decided the creature would probably prove a bit problematic as an Elysée companion (or mode of Parisian transport).  Consequentially, the presidential dromedary was left in the care of a local farm family tasked with insuring its good health and happiness.

I am sure it was very happy up until it was turned into a meal. Which made me think how do you cook a camel, as always Google is my friend.  

If anyone is planning to cook a camel fairly sure I can get a lamb and a few chickens.

But something presumably was lost in the translation: this week France’s Defense Minister Jean-Yves Le Drian reported that the animal was instead slaughtered for a camel tagine, according to the Telegraph.

I am finding this tragic situation is stimulating my appetite.

Tagine of Camel with Fennel & Eggplant served on Pistachio Couscous

2 1/2 ml kosher salt

1 lg onion, sliced thinly

3 large garlic cloves, minced
10 ml ginger root, grated
 
1/4 tsp paprika, smoked
1/4 tsp Turmeric
2 1/2 ml coriander seeds, grind
2 1/2 ml black peppercorn, grind
2 1/2 ml cumin seeds, grind
5 ml paprika, sweet
7 1/2 ml fennel seeds, grind

400 ml tomatoes, canned, diced
7 1/2 ml lemon juice, fresh, or more to taste
375 gr Camel, trimmed and 1/2" cubes (or lamb or beef)

1 lg eggplant, unpeeled, 1/2" pieces
1 lg fennel bulbs, 1" chunks
1 med sweet potato, peeled and 1/2" chunks
 
250 ml couscous
250 ml water
15 ml olive oil, extra virgin
2 green onions, sliced thinly
2 1/2 ml sea salt
60 ml pistachio nuts, toasted and chopped (optional)

1.  In a heavy wide pot over medium heat sweat the onions, garlic and ginger with the salt about 10 minutes until softened.

2.  Add the spices and stir cook into the vegetables 1-2 minutes.

3.  Add the tomatoes and lemon juice - bring to a bubble, then arrange the lamb in a single layer and press gently to just submerge.  Return to a bubble then reduce to medium low and simmer about 1 hour until the meat is very tender.

4.  Add the sweet potatoes and stir to submerge, then add the fennel and eggplant, spooning sauce over them.  Stir to combine and bring to a bubble over medium heat, cover and simmer about 10 minutes until the sweet potatoes are just tender about 8 minutes.  Stir to combine and allow to cook another few minutes.

5.  Meanwhile, boil the water for the couscous in a medium pot - add the couscous and stir until water is almost absorbed.  Cover and allow to sit 2-3 minutes then stir again, breaking up any lumps.  Cover and allow to sit another 2-3 minutes, stir in the sliced green onions, olive oil, pistachios and salt and combine well.

6.  Serve camel tagine with the hot couscous - enjoy!.

Tragic as that was on its own, news of Timbuktu Joe’s demise also added to the growing pile of Hollande’s woes. France’s troubles within the euros zone’s enduring debt crisis have grown worse as the economy has slowed to a stop, pushing joblessness up over 10%. That has sent the president’s already sinking approval rating to 27%–a level that could sink further in the wake of his former Budget Minister’s confession he’d repeatedly lied to the public, media, parliament and his president in denying he’d stashed money away in tax-free offshore bank accounts. True, no one is likely to blame Hollande for his camel’s culinary fate, but the improbable development does add to growing public sentiment that the President is caught in one of those dreaded periods where absolutely nothing will go right for him no matter what he does. (Adding insult to injury, New York magazine added the camel’s yowls to the already animal-infested Taylor Swift song “Trouble”.)

Perhaps a nice dish of Camel Tagine would improve his day.

But there is some good(ish) news.  Officials in Mali have pledged to provide Hollande a replacement camel—and one report quotes Malian authorities describing as “a bigger, better-looking camel” than its digested predecessor. Given the recent misunderstandings, moreover, Hollande’s new pet will be sent to Paris to be fed, groomed, cared for, adored, and otherwise not used as a main course.

A sort of centerfold camel I guess.

Animal lovers will understandably be relieved by that decision. However, given how things are going these days for Hollande, he’ll still be the person blamed if the new arrival eats all the flower buds in the Elysée garden.

Why not indeed.

Uganda: Good news. No coups this week.

The Daily Monitor ( Uganda ) reports takes the piss

UPDF cannot topple the government

By Muniini K. Mulera

Dear Tingasiga:
President Yoweri K. Museveni and Dr. Crispus Kiyonga, his defense minister, have reportedly expressed fear that the army may overthrow the government to “refocus the country’s future” if the “confusion in parliament persists.”

I blogged on this a couple of days ago and fairly much reached the conclusion it was never going to happen. I just wish I had been this funny.

I have very good news for the president and his defense minister. The UPDF is a professional army that cannot be bothered by the annoying aspects of democracy. Therefore it cannot overthrow the government.

Professionalising the UPDF was the main reason why the president very reluctantly sought his second and last elected term in 2001.

The top agenda item in his 2001 re-election manifesto was to “consolidate the building of a professional army.” 
By 2006, he was ready to launch his re-election campaign to his third and last term. Top on the new agenda for 2006 was “consolidating the building of a professional army.”

Hilarious but as my last blog points out Museveni seems to keep running for president. This take is brilliant though.

Fast-forward to 2011, and the president very, very reluctantly accepted the demand of the people that he must continue to rule them.
To do so, he sought re-election to his fourth and last term with a 241-page manifesto in which he confidently informed us on page 5 that “the earlier years of military coups, armed groups, human rights abuses, a failing state etc have (sic) now history.” 
Gen. Museveni pointed out on page 24 that the peace and security that Ugandans were enjoying was “irreversible” “because of the maintenance of high professional standards by the security organisations.”

“The way forward” would include the maintenance of these high professional standards and investment in “defense diplomacy” that would contribute to peaceful resolution of conflicts internally, regionally and internationally.

Museveni is starting to look like a bit of an idiot at this point.

Happily, the president also had a lot to say about the state of democracy in Uganda. On page 17 of the 2011 manifesto, he said the NRM was “committed to promoting democracy and good governance first as a core value, but also as a sine qua non for national transformation.” 

The NRM was therefore diligently working for, among other things, “existence of constitutional democracy where there is a separation of powers between Executive, Legislature and Judiciary.” Implied in that statement was that Parliament would be left to do its thing, without interference from Rwakitura.

I am assuming, of course, that Gen. Museveni was the author of his election manifestos; that he read them and that he meant what he said. In case the manifestos were mpewo (hot air) or kiwani (fake), then the president and his minister are right. 

The military could overthrow the government, though such statements by the president and his defense minister are tantamount to treason or, at least, incitement to violence. We fully expect Gen. Kale Kayihura’s boys to show up to quiz Museveni and Kiyonga about their statements.

Ouch, hoist by his own manifesto no less.

Yet Ugandans need not despair, for we have very good news for you as well. A military coup would not change anything. It would not affect your lives one bit. How so, you ask?

The newly installed military regime would be made up of Gen. Yoweri Kaguta Museveni (president and commander-in-chief), his son Brigadier Muhoozi Kainerugaba (Commander of the Special Forces Command), Maj. Gen. Kale Kaihura (Inspector General of Police), Gen. Aronda Nyakeirima (Chief of Defence Forces) and Maj. Gen. Fred Mugisha (Joint Chief of Staff).

These are the men that matter in Uganda, the most important of them being Brig. Kainerugaba who would continue to be assisted by Col. Sabiiti Mzei and Maj. Don Nabaasa in his task of keeping his father in power.

I am laughing to hard to sip my coffee.

To give the regime a semblance of civilian participation, the vice president would be Edward Ssekandi, with Amama Mbabazi as prime minister and Crispus Kiyonga as minister of defense.

So there would be no change, though any similarity to the current regime would be purely coincidental.

I end on another happy note. As Barack Obama takes his second oath as president of the United States today, we remember the declaration that he made in his inaugural address on January 20, 2009: 
“To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history, but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.” 
Although Obama embarks on his last term, with a most confused and troublesome legislature, there is no worry that the US army might step in to refocus America’s future. 
Meanwhile, the Ugandan president continues to dress up MPs in military attire at compulsory Kyankwanzi retreats, reminiscent of Marshall Idi Amin’s treatment of his civilian ministers. He threatens to overthrow his own regime. He is clearly on the wrong side of history.

The strange thing is why he brought up the whole subject.

Lance Armstrong regrets

The Onion reports

Lance Armstrong Admits To Using Performance-Enhancing Drugs To Show Remorse

AUSTIN, TX—Disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong kicked off a campaign to restore his image Monday by admitting in a television interview with Oprah Winfrey that he used a sophisticated cocktail of performance-enhancing drugs to evince remorse and shame. “To make the kind of heartfelt apology I am making now without the help of drugs would be impossible, and so when it came to convincing millions of people that I am a decent human being who is capable of actual regret, I needed an edge,” 

Ouch

Armstrong reportedly says in the extensive television interview, which sources said the cyclist prepared for by injecting himself with stamina-supporting recombinant erythropoietin and methocarbamol, a muscle relaxant that helps to slacken the Depressor anguli oris, Corrugator supercilii and other facial muscles required to frown and cry. “Make no mistake, it still takes a lot of skill to do what I am doing right now. Saying sorry over and over, all the while maintaining a veneer of humility when you’re actually a self-righteous egomaniac? Drugs or no drugs, that’s impressive.” According to sources, Armstrong then looks directly into the camera with tear-filled eyes and says, “I am so, so sorry.”

It is hard to feel any sympathy what so ever.

Imperator Fish: Scott gets of to a flying start.

Scott at Imperator Fish is off to an early start with potentially the funniest blog post for 2013, a few highlights,

Put my blog behind a paywall. A boring old man who writes for the NBR once told me I was nuts to give my content out for free. I was about to tell him I would be nuts to pay to read anything he wrote online, but mercifully good manners prevailed. He's right though. This is the year I monetise my blog. Ads, pop-up boxes, links to online gambling sites, and of course a paywall. I'm gonna be rich!

Pontificate more. If one should just happen to be blessed with the wisdom of Solomon then one would really have a responsibility to share that wisdom with the world. So I intend to spend more time passing judgment on people I don't know based on scant evidence, and claiming I have all the answers to critical and pressing problems. What could be more enjoyable than reading a series of blogposts where someone who knows nothing about a particular topic beyond what he read on Stuff argues vehemently that a group of people with different views on the topic are monstrously wrong?

Become a god. I wanted to include this resolution, although I haven't really thought through how it is going to work. I figure if I can knock the first five resolutions off before the end of June, then that will give me six whole months to come into my godhood.  I know any crackpot can set up a religion and call himself or herself a god, but I want actual god powers, and if I can't smite people or walk on water then it won't be worth the effort. Still, if my third resolution comes off and I can get people to pay for my content then it will be a f**cking miracle, so I suppose I'll be there already.

Go have a read.

Merry Christmas and the expat Congolese Conspiracy

The expat Congolese conspiracy ( NZ ) started as suspicion on my part but there was nothing tangible I had no empirical evidence, I couldn't weigh the problem as I had no bathroom scales but other disturbing indications were present.

My jeans seemed tighter around the waist my belt is one and sometimes two notches further out than usual. More recently I have had to unbutton the waist button on my jeans.

This clearly can't be put down to seasonal factors such as Christmas. There is something far deeper at play.

To all my readers and it would seem that about 250 to 300 of you manage to get here daily, thanks for taking the time to call by. This blog leans on other bloggers for support, ideas and inspiration I will thank you all separately before the curtain comes down on 2012.

To all of you have a happy safe Christmas and if you get a moment over the festive season please spare a thought for Louise Baseme.

Middle Earth New Zealand, a step to far ?

The Huffington Post reports

Middle Earth New Zealand: Twitter User

Shows Passport Stamp From Country As

'Welcome To Middle Earth'

Ok, New Zealand, the Hobbit hoopla is getting to be a bit much.

It's totally adorable and understandable that you're proud of your role in the "Lord of The Rings" trilogy -- and even the upcoming "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey," which premiered in Wellington at the end of November. We even thought it was cute when Air Zealand donned its planes in hobbit-mania and adopted a new hobbit-themed pre-flight safety video.

Hehe we have another two years of this planned.

But, we kind of think this new passport stamp might be a bit too much. There are other great things for New Zealand to show off, after all.

Shit I so want one.... 

If this is indeed real, do you think New Zealand going overboard in its love (and promotion) of all things hobbit, or is it endearing?

 

I dare say we are going to get a bit of a roasting over at the Huffington post.

Gingerism threat to monarchy

The Dailymash reports

It had better not be ginger, Queen warns Harry

IF Kate Middleton’s baby has red hair there is going to be big trouble, the Queen has warned Prince Harry.

As the royal brood mare’s first offspring was announced, the Queen demanded to know

 Prince Harry’s whereabouts around 12 weeks ago.

The Queen said: “This family has a history of mysteriously ginger babies and I’m sick of it.

“I know Harry likes those sisters and I know he’s a randy little sod. We have to be sure.

“The public isn’t going to buy that ‘it’s a rare recessive gene that can skip generations’

 nonsense. There are limits to their idiocy.”

It is too early in the pregnancy to tell whether the foetus might be a carrot top. In the

 meantime, Prince Harry is checking through his text messages.

Prince Harry said: “There is one here from a Kate M, saying something about how maybe we

 got too drunk together after the polo. But I know a lot of Kate Ms.

“There’s Kate…M…anyway there’s loads of them.

“Yeah. It’s fine. I think it’s fine. It has to be fine.”

Hat tip DPF